Ninetoes vs. Lizzie Borden

Ninetoes and his lovely wife decided it was time to take down Ryan Murphy’s Monster: The Lizzie Borden Story on NetFlix. Was it any good, or are they asking if she has room for a couple more victims?

Created by Ian Brennan and Ryan Murphy

Starring Ella Beatty, Vicky Krieps, and Charlie Hunnam

Hey there, television lovers! It is your old pal, Ninetoes, coming to you from deep inside Ninetoes HQ, and today I am looking at Ryan Murphy’s Monster: The Lizzie Borden Story. I have coffee in my system, and my thinking cap on, so let’s get to it!

The story of Lizzie Borden has always fascinated me, even as a kid. We would go around chanting, “Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one!” As I got older (and my interest in history deepened), I read a few books about our Ms. Borden. When I heard that Ryan Murphy was going to do a series on her, I thought, “How bad can it be?”…

Think of this show as a cheese pizza with extra cheese. Just humor me on this. When you look at a cheese pizza, you get the dough, the sauce, and the cheese. With me so far? Okay, now we are going to build our pizza…

The dough is the story. Lizzie Borden’s story is a fascinating one. That is a simple fact. A young woman butchers her mother, then her father, in that order. The family was well off, but Andrew Borden knew how to pinch a penny until the entire copper mine squealed. His daughters got an allowance while his wife (their stepmother) got enough to get the family groceries and necessities. That is a matter of history. Lizzie herself was intelligent and quick-witted. Her sister followed her lead. Yet, for some reason, the creators decided to make Lizzie a dullard, her sister the whore of Babylon, her father an alcoholic, and her stepmother a raging shrew who controlled Lizzie and put her down at every chance. Then we get to Bridget Sullivan, the Irish maid the family called Maggie because it was easy to remember (that is a historical fact), and it was Lizzie who engaged Maggie and taught her to read…just how old is this dough? Is that mold I see?

The sauce for this pizza is the acting. I am just going to come out and say it: Ella Beatty was radiant as Lizzie, and her acting was sublime. Then again, consider her parents (Warren Beatty and Annette Bening) are Hollywood royalty; it is easy to see why. Rebecca Hall’s over-the-top portrayal of Abby Borden literally stole the show and was the perfect complement to Charlie Hunnam’s straight-laced Andrew Borden. (Yeah, Mrs. Ninetoes could not wait for Abby to get it). Vicky Krieps as Bridget was the perfect complement to Lizzie. All around, the acting was great for what they were doing.

Then we get to the cheese of the pizza, in this case, the historical accuracy. If you are going to tell a historical story, it should have a large degree of accuracy, right? So, for a cheese pizza with extra cheese, we should have a metric ton of accuracy…? Oh, wait, this is Ryan Murphy we are talking about, who loves to use his creative license. Yeah, that. So, our veritable cheese feast quickly went sour. Just how long was this cheese left outside in the heat? Long enough to go rancid, I am afraid. For all of this cheese, we maybe got six or seven strands that were accurate. The rest was just blood-soaked flights of fancy, and questioning Lizzie’s sexuality enough to give the series a bit of a romantic edge. In reality, Lizzie never married, nor were there any men attached to her. Her sexuality is a matter of historical speculation, but remember, we are talking about Massachusetts in 1892. This kind of thing, especially in upper society, was frowned upon. Sure, she could have been deep in the closet, but as stated, that is speculation.

One final thing to mention in this, and it is a question more than a statement. Was it really necessary to bring in Countess Elizabeth Bathory or Aileen Wuornos? Unless that is a hint to the subject in the next “Monster” series, they really did not fit well into this show, nor serve it well.

I think I should have passed on this pizza…and maybe it is time to revoke Ryan Murphy’s creative license.

Darren “Ninetoes” Perdue is a book and media reviewer. When he is not reading, he is watching true crime shows, cooking for his family, or working on a plan for universal domination. If you see him on his porch, say hi. He does not bite…much.

PLEASE NOTE: The views and opinions of the staff of Memento Mori Ink do not necessarily represent those of Memento Mori Ink or Crystal Lake Publishing, nor do the views or opinions of Crystal Lake necessarily represent those of Memento Mori Ink or its staff. Thank you for understanding.