Ninetoes vs Crystal Lake

Ninetoes has always been a fan of Jason Voorhees. He got really excited about the prospect of a show about how it all began on Peacock. Did his excitement pay off?

A dark secret from Pamela Voorhees’ past emerges after her son’s death, just as bodies begin turning up across the quiet town of Crystal Lake.

Created by Brad Kane

Starring Linda Cardellini, William Catlett, Gwendolyn Sundstrom, and Cameron Scoggins

Hey there, television lovers. It is your old pal, Ninetoes, coming to you from Ninetoes HQ. Today I am looking at Peacock’s Crystal Lake. I have coffee in my system, and my thinking cap on, so let’s get to it!

When I caught the previews for Crystal Lake on YOUTUBE, I was excited. It was apparent that the show would focus on Jason’s mother, Pam, and I was down with that. We finally get to see what made Jason the way he is. I did some research and found out there were going to be eight episodes, and I was excited at the prospect of that many episodes of blood, gore, guts, goo, and answers.

I binged the show in two days. I did not rush it. I took my time. I even made notes along the way. Then I reviewed my notes and came to a few conclusions.

First: This show would have been better served as a four-episode event, or better yet, a movie. It was too long for what they did with the material, and it dragged. I know you cannot have excitement all the time, but it should not have dragged as much as it did. There was a degree of mystery and intrigue, but it took so long for a resolution that I pieced together what they were going to reveal before it was revealed.

Second: A lot of time was wasted on mediocre sex. Let’s face it, part of the Jason Voorhees mythos is that he drowned while the counselors were having sex. They addressed that, but with so many counselors and adults that were there, NONE of them could have gotten to him before he went down? They could have handled that bit of lore better. I was not expecting wall-to-wall sex, but when you got to those particular scenes, they were uninspired, to say the least, especially since you are talking about walking powder kegs of hormones that your average teenagers are.

Third: The big bad chemical company, Bellflower. They took the Jason mythos and blamed it on a chemical company trying to make a super soldier, with his father leading the charge for experimentation. And just for shits and giggles, let’s give him some of the genetic makeup of a cockroach? Really? Now, I am a sci-fi nerd. I always have been, but even that was pushing it just a bit too far. What happened to good old-fashioned evil as an explanation? It would have been better served to leave it that Jason was cheesed off that no one was watching him as he drowned and wanted revenge.

Now, my editor tells me I should try to find some good, even in the worst of shows. While Crystal Lake is not the absolute worst I have ever seen, it is not the best. But there was some good. For instance: there is a nod to Kane Hodder, the man who played Jason in four Friday the 13th movies (Friday the 13th Part VII, Part VIII, Jason Goes to Hell, and Jason X). There is also a scene with a meat tenderizer that could soften a rhino’s hide. And we also get to see a hooded Jason deal some damage.

In the end, this show ended up leaving me feeling uninspired, let down, and feeling “meh”. It is a case where they showed the best parts in the previews. Yes, I said it. I hate that I have to say it, but there it is.

Darren “Ninetoes” Perdue is a book and media reviewer. When he is not reading, he is watching true crime shows, cooking for his family, or working on a plan for universal domination. If you see him on his porch, say hi. He does not bite…much.

PLEASE NOTE: The views and opinions of the staff of Memento Mori Ink do not necessarily represent those of Memento Mori Ink or Crystal Lake Publishing, nor do the views or opinions of Crystal Lake necessarily represent those of Memento Mori Ink or its staff. Thank you for understanding.