Welcome to Uncanny Tuesday!
The day of the week we here at the House of Stitched devote to weirdo science, history, and oddities. This is your weekly key to winning trivia night at your favorite local craft brewery.
Last week, we covered corn smut (not what you think). This week, we’re sinking our teeth into… competitive eating.
Sorry-Not Sorry for that pun.
I live in Houston, Texas and this summer I drove to Amarillo on vacation. Why? Well, there’s a cool canyon there, but anyway while I was there, I ate at the place everyone told me to avoid, The Big Texan Steak Ranch.
It’s touristy, sure. And they do have a gift shop and live rattlesnakes (these are not reasons to avoid ANYTHING), but what they mostly have is meat. A lot of meat. At the Big Texan, they run a contest. It’s their 76-oz steak eating contest.
You have one hour to consume: a shrimp cocktail, a baked potato, a salad, a roll, and 76 ounces of steak. If you can get all that in you, your meal is free.
Why would anyone do that? Is it gluttonous? Is it the epitome of American ridiculousness? Oh yes. It’s also fascinating. There is a sub-culture of people who live for these kinds of challenges.
The IFOCE, or International Federation of Competitive Eating is one organization who promotes and records the magical world of shoveling inordinate amounts of food in your mouth for fame and fortune.
Warning: This is a Rabbit Hole. Enter at your own risk. But for those of you who dare, let’s just go for it.
Competitive Eating is time-honored. Who doesn’t want to test their mettle against pies and hamburgers and jars of mayonnaise? The first documented eating contest was in 1878 in Toronto. The sport has evolved over the years into sponsored events with competitors who train like triathletes.
The most famous competitive eating challenge on the planet is the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest held every July 4th at Coney Island in New York. The annual event began in 1916 and is now broadcast on ESPN. If you’re a competitive eater, this is your Super Bowl.
https://nathansfranks.smithfieldfoods.com/en-us/promotions/hot-dog-eating-contest/
Contestants seek fortune and glory by eating as many hot dogs as they can in ten minutes. The best part? It’s called The Mustard Belt.
YEP
The reigning men’s champion is the enigmatic Joey Chestnut. A 14-time winner, he also hold the current World Record of 76 hot dogs in 10 minutes. I could go on and on about Joey Chestnut, but I’ll let his website speak for him:
“Joey Chestnut is the world’s greatest eater. This is not an opinion but a statement of fact. He holds more competitive eating records than any other athlete in history, by a wide margin. However, despite his total domination, Joey didn’t find competitive eating… it found him.”
If there’s ever been a greater biography written, I’ve never seen it. Chestnut holds multiple World Records for eating basically everything and he’s currently ranked first by the IFOCE.
I love Joey Chestnut so much that I wrote a 100-word flash fic story about someone breaking his previous record:
ONE DAY REVENGE WILL BE MINE AND IT WILL BE SWEET
But until then, I’ll have to look at his gloating face, pregnant with wiener and bun, triumphant as he crams the seventy-fourth into his gob. Blistering in the July heat, blanketed by the smells of spent fryer oil, popcorn, and stale beer, the crowd chants his name. Once they chanted mine. In their unholy ecstasy, they’ve forgotten me and my seventy-three, the wonderous dexterity of my delicate fingers as I dunked each bun and consumed the glory. Fists pumping in time to the clicking of his jaw, they offer up their fleeting adoration. I will him to choke on seventy-five.
But competitive eating isn’t all fortune and glory. There’s a dark side as well. First, is it gluttonous and maybe bad form considering how many people in the world starve? Yes. But it can be dangerous. Competitive eaters train. They don’t just walk up and eat 76 hot dogs because they were hungry. Many train by drinking huge amounts of water to stretch their stomach. This can lead to a drop in sodium levels which causes nausea, vomiting, headaches, and muscle cramps. It’s unpleasant and any severe imbalance to your body chemistry can be problematic.
Additional uncool things that can happen are gastric paralysis where your stomach doesn’t digest the food and empty it quickly enough, which means you have seventy-six rotting hot dogs in your gut. Your stomach and esophagus can rupture, and you can choke to death.
FUN TIMES.
Still not dissuaded? Well, then think about eating jars of mayonnaise. The world record is four thirty-two-ounce jars in 8 minutes. If you can watch this video all the way through, you’re a stronger person than I am.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oiwfl9IrZbk
The subject of competitive eating is fascinating and I could go on and on and on, but thankfully my time limit is up. Check out all of the links in this article and enjoy the feast I have prepared for you!
Until next Tuesday!
Jessica
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